After a month in Vienna, I was ready to come home. The alarm went off at 3:00 am, followed by the cab at 4:00 am, and boarding the first flight at 6:35. I didn't have access to a printer at the hotel so I couldn't check-in online. The queue was long and it moved slowly, but it did move consistently. They looked closely at my U.S. issued mugshot in it's genuine, imitation, leather-feel, pressed cardboard cover and decided I was indeed me. I could have told them that, but they wouldn't have believed me. Security in Vienna isn't quite the violation of your personal space, rights, or sanity that it is in the U.S.A. You get to keep your shoes and for the most part your dignity. The scanner checks you for hidden metal objects rather than screening your eligibility for getting your naval pierced with a staple in some fold out photo spread.
I had a little time to wait before boarding the plane so I checked out the duty free shop and picked up a bottle of Grüner Veltliner for Jen and a small Sacher Torte for Jade. Little did I know that the Veltliner would come back to bite me.
The flight from Vienna to London's Heathrow was completely uneventful. In flying, that is always a good thing. I arrived with a ninety minute window to get to my next flight. A little advice for any of you who might find yourselves with a layover at Heathrow airport, leave yourself at least three hours in between flights. This is not because the airport is interesting. It is because it takes that long to get through all of their security check points. In addition, there are multiple terminals and you have to go outside of security to get to them. Which means, you almost always have to go through their version of the full body scanners. "Oh Goody! More radiation!"
After waiting at the back of the plane for the rest of the passengers to unload, running through the terminal, waiting for the bus that would take me to the next terminal, squeezing on to the bus with the dozens of other travelers (some of who were in desperate need of a shower and a toothbrush) getting irradiated again, and jogging down the moving sidewalk to my gate, I was able to squeeze on board as one of the last passengers. An hour and a half just wasn't enough time.
The flight to Dallas was on American Airlines. Remember how I raved about British Airways on the flight over. American was almost as bad as British was good. During the first round of refreshments the stewardess, I refuse to call her a flight attendant because the one thing she was not was attendant, completely skipped my row. Since I was sitting on the end I stopped her when she walked by and asked her if we could get some drinks. She barked, "Didn't you already get some?" To which I replied, "No, I think you inadvertently skipped us." Sarcastically, and with a very mean streak she said "Well, I did that on purpose. Waddya want?" The woman next to me asked for some water and the stewardess began to dash away. "And I'd like a ginger ale please." I said. "Oh, and I suppose I skipped you too? Fine, another ginger ale." The rest of the flight she treated both of us in the row very poorly.
That wonderful meal on British Airways was nothing like the inconsistently heated cheese tortellini with wilted salad and hard roll American Airways served. I should point out that the hard roll was only hard because it was stale. On British Airways we got an individual bottle of red wine. On American Airlines we got a . . . . oh yeah, we didn't get drinks with the meal. We were supposed to have saved some of the drinks we got about an hour earlier. The same drinks I almost didn't get at all.
The in-flight entertainment system was a complete let down. The movies started at odd times, the tv shows were mostly ones that I'd already seen and the video games (and yes I was excited about video games) were so slow to respond that it was like playing chess with someone through the mail. It was a good thing that I had downloaded some radio shows to my cell phone and brought along some puzzle books.
When we finally landed in Dallas, I had to go through customs. The customs line was really long and after waiting in the area just prior to the entrance to the labyrinth a woman walked right past about 45 people, including me, and cut in line. The woman standing in front of me gave me a look that said "What the . . . . ?" So I said out loud, "Mam'am, the line is back there." She gave me a dirty look and ignored me. I turned to the woman in front of me and said "Isn't it nice to be back in the United States where everyone thinks they are above the rules and rudeness reigns supreme." She agreed and we both pushed our way past the woman that didn't think she had to wait in line. Surprisingly, she didn't put up much of a fight.
The customs agent was efficient, if not friendly and seemed a little bored. After customs, I had to pick up my checked suitcase, and recheck it for the next flight. Then I headed off to get irradiated once again! Dallas has the full body scanners that take naked pictures of you through your clothes. I hope mine don't end up on the internet. I would hate to be the cause of someone's blindness. Unfortunately when I got through to the other side I was told that my bottle of wine that I bought in Vienna and specifically asked if I could take it on board, and was in a sealed container saying that it had been purchased after security and was completely safe, could not be carried on to the airplane and had to be put in the luggage compartment. It wasn't even in a box and I now had less than an hour to get to my plane. I could either throw it away or take it down to the luggage check in, see if they had a box, seal it in to the box, label the box and pray that the bottle didn't get broken while under the plane. Then the first helpful person of the day arrived. A T.S.A. agent walked me to the luggage check, stayed with me so that she knew I was still safe, helped me get the wine boxed, and labeled and checked, and then escorted me past the long line and through security. I got to my plane about ten minutes before boarding.
The final leg of the journey was completely uneventful. What a blessing. I arrived in Phoenix on time and unscathed approximately 20 hours after I had left the hotel in Vienna. Jen and Jade greeted me at the gate and all was right with my world.
Tonight Jen held a small coming home party for me. Several friends welcomed me back home. She even made Bosendorfer Torte Petit Fours for me. We snacked on gourmet cheeses, fresh fruit, pickled figs, finger sandwiches, and Austrian wine. It was a wonderful evening.
I guess my adventure is over now. What a trip it has been!
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